Life goes on. We all know this, even though we sometimes wish it would just stand still. There are days when I walk toward my parent's home, thinking my dad is at work and I'd like to see my mom. And I remember. She's not there anymore. Sometimes I go over and sit next to her chair, and just remember. Our chats. Our silences. Our laughter. I miss hearing her advice, her encouragement. I am eternally grateful for having had her as my mother. If I had been given the chance to pick one, she would have been it.My dad is doing well too - better than I expected. Of course, I have no idea why I thought he would not do well. Maybe I was reading too many statistics. I, of all people, should know better than to trust those. Statistically, my family has never fit in. I raised smart, independent children as a single mom. My parents rose above their own families, families with many dysfunctions only to raise functional children.
My dad ... I love this man. He's funny. He's supportive. He is always there when I need him. Today he was here to meet the repair guy while I was at work. Yesterday he loaned me $100 to get through to payday. I sure wish things would stop breaking down, but it is good to know there is a guy in my corner. He makes it tough for men I date.. how can they possibly hold a candle to my dad? He's reliable. He loves me unconditionally. He is there.. always. It's no wonder my mother loved him. She loved him every day of her life.
A few weeks ago he decided to look at some dating sites. As expected, he is lonely. He said he'd like a woman to talk to - about life, about his kids, about things. He would like to have company at dinner. Go to a movie. It is hard to adjust to being alone... especially after 65 years of togetherness. I know this. Even after months of being with someone, I have to adjust again - to being alone. He exchanged some chats with a couple of women. And, he met one in person.. where she worked. He is appalled and amazed at how women let themselves go at a certain point. He comes here to compare notes with me.. are the men I meet as frumpy? as lacking in pride? Do they all stop caring about their appearances?? We laugh. We compare notes. Who'd have thunk that this would be something we would have in common after all these years? He says he may have taken my mother for granted at times.. she always took care with her appearance and always wanted to put her best foot forward. How did he not know that other women her age were not like this? How could he know?
But life goes on. he has moved away from the dating site for now, and is settling in again. he is thinking about an art class and about fishing. I may have to dig out my own pole and go fishing with him. I would like that. I have been given an opportunity to know my dad as a human being and not just a father, a husband. I certainly don't want to waste that! 