I slept last night. Deep sleep for the first time in weeks. Dad did too. It's a relief in many ways, and then guilt over the relief, and then acceptance. This is the way it is going to be for us, for a long time. Maybe forever.
I went with my dad this morning to take care of business, the business of last residence known. The woman at the funeral home is almost like family. She took care of my grandfather. She took care of my brother. And, now she will take care of my mom. My dad tells me he wants her to take care of him on his last day too. It's a lot for me to grasp. Reality bites.
When we returned to the house, my dad asked me if we were done now, at least until Tuesday. And we are. He is. I made a trip back to the funeral home with my youngest brother - Larry wanted to take care of the final arrangement cost. My dad let him. It's odd seeing my dad let go. He always wanted to do things himself/for himself. A very proud man, he would say no even if he needed it so badly he could taste it. I wonder if he will be that way again.
Larry came back to the house, and then went to his own home. Funny how we can laugh and tease in the wake of pain. I do hope everyone finds that to be true. It's a lot like setting down grief.. that 1,000 pound weight around our shoulders... and taking a break from pain. And, you know, I have no idea what kind of marriages my brothers have, but I like to imagine they are each back home in the cradle of their wife's love. I hope they have even a smidgeon of what our parents had/have.
So, here we are. Flowers for the casket arranged. A time and place. A notice online and, tomorrow, in the paper. Phone calls made. I have taken the week off. One day. One step. One breath.
I went with my dad this morning to take care of business, the business of last residence known. The woman at the funeral home is almost like family. She took care of my grandfather. She took care of my brother. And, now she will take care of my mom. My dad tells me he wants her to take care of him on his last day too. It's a lot for me to grasp. Reality bites.
When we returned to the house, my dad asked me if we were done now, at least until Tuesday. And we are. He is. I made a trip back to the funeral home with my youngest brother - Larry wanted to take care of the final arrangement cost. My dad let him. It's odd seeing my dad let go. He always wanted to do things himself/for himself. A very proud man, he would say no even if he needed it so badly he could taste it. I wonder if he will be that way again.Larry came back to the house, and then went to his own home. Funny how we can laugh and tease in the wake of pain. I do hope everyone finds that to be true. It's a lot like setting down grief.. that 1,000 pound weight around our shoulders... and taking a break from pain. And, you know, I have no idea what kind of marriages my brothers have, but I like to imagine they are each back home in the cradle of their wife's love. I hope they have even a smidgeon of what our parents had/have.
So, here we are. Flowers for the casket arranged. A time and place. A notice online and, tomorrow, in the paper. Phone calls made. I have taken the week off. One day. One step. One breath.
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