The dust settles, literally and figuratively. Brother 2 tells me brother 4 is angry with me.. feels I take over and make the rules. I have to admit, that there is something to that.. but then I am 10 years older, and have been here, with my parents next door for over 20 years. I have not had nor taken the option of not being available. This, in itself, makes me privy to things that they are not. Certainly to things he is not. I know my parents. I know the needs without being told. I have learned to step in surreptitiously and, ninja-like, help. He is jealous. He feels that it is my fault he is not in on it, that he is not the one my dad looks to, or comes to. His ego says I want to be the one that my parents look to. I can't help him with this. I have 20 years of being here. He has one week of wanting to be. And in another week, he'll be too busy again.
This isn't news to me, though everyone acts as if it should be. And, I get the feeling they want me to fix this somehow. I can't. And I'm not. Time to grow up, maybe? Me. not him. I don't need to be a hero. I don't want to be the hero. And I have no need to justify what I am, who I am, or why I am here. It just is. And I do wish he would step in, be available, be here. You know it is not about quality time. It is simply about time.
I have been blessed with time. Time to sit. Time to walk. Time to tell jokes and laugh with them. Time to talk. I had time. In the end, I made time. You can't take that back and you can't fake it. One is either present or not.
Life is about survival until the day it is over. How we survive, who we travel with and how we travel is another matter altogether. We can be as fair as possible to one another. We can step in when help is needed, even if unasked for. We can be available.. make ourselves available. And that is all we truly can do. That is all I do.
My brother? I wish I knew.. or maybe I am glad I don't. I have, however, asked to remain uninformed in the future.. if it is not mine to fix, do not hand it over to me.. please.
This isn't news to me, though everyone acts as if it should be. And, I get the feeling they want me to fix this somehow. I can't. And I'm not. Time to grow up, maybe? Me. not him. I don't need to be a hero. I don't want to be the hero. And I have no need to justify what I am, who I am, or why I am here. It just is. And I do wish he would step in, be available, be here. You know it is not about quality time. It is simply about time.
I have been blessed with time. Time to sit. Time to walk. Time to tell jokes and laugh with them. Time to talk. I had time. In the end, I made time. You can't take that back and you can't fake it. One is either present or not.
Life is about survival until the day it is over. How we survive, who we travel with and how we travel is another matter altogether. We can be as fair as possible to one another. We can step in when help is needed, even if unasked for. We can be available.. make ourselves available. And that is all we truly can do. That is all I do.
My brother? I wish I knew.. or maybe I am glad I don't. I have, however, asked to remain uninformed in the future.. if it is not mine to fix, do not hand it over to me.. please.
Amen.
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